PRT's Guide to Sailing Through Security Check Points

We all despise long security checks and with the new scanners presenting a serious privacy concern, things are worse than ever. Unfortunately, nothing clogs up security check points like punk paraphernalia. Luckily there are some things that can be done to move it along in the least invasive way possible (unless you're looking for a good fondle, in which case that's your prerogative.)

First off, there's really no need to parade through the airport dressed like a rock star. Unless you're hunted by the paparazzi or have a special someone waiting on the other end of your flight, nobody is particularly concerned with their fellow passenger's impeccable taste in bondage trousers. The key is to dress comfortably anyway, especially if you've got a long international voyage ahead of you.

1. Don't wear your 20 hole steel toe Docs on the flight. Tuck them away in your luggage instead. Your fellow passengers are going to loathe you for taking ages to undo your laces to put the things on the belt and given that feet swell while in flight, you're guaranteed to want to ditch them first thing anyway. Most comfy shoes for a flight? Good ol' Chuck Taylors. They are easy to unlace to adjust to a comfortable fit while in flight and still remain functional. Have your shoes unlaced while you're still in line and be ready to go.

2. Do wear your skinny jeans. Go with something form fitting if possible. I have seen a marked difference in pat-down/scanner ratios with form fitting vs. cargo style baggy stuff. Same goes with gigantic t-shirts. Make life easy on yourself. Also be prepared to remove jackets, sweaters and hoodies.

3. Don't wear your studded belts and jewelry through security. If you can, take out piercings, how ever momentarily. I understand it's not always possible, but I'd rather take out my earrings than use the body scanner. Remember, excessive zippers can also set off the metal detector.

4. Do be cooperative but don't give in. Remember, if you're still asked to use the body scanner and that doesn't sit well with you, you can 'opt out'. Opting out is no fun either, I've been there. It is extremely invasive and I'm not saying this is a fantastic option either. The best thing to do is keep your sense of humor in a craptastic situation and this is no exception. Just try not to enjoy your pat-down too much, although I haven't heard of this happening yet, they might deem you too pervy for the plane.

5. Remember the fluid rules for carry on. Keep anything even vaguely resembling a weapon at home. Mace spray included. See the following if you're unclear: http://www.tsa.gov/311/

6. Be prepared ahead of time to place all of your electronics in the bins. Keep anything that will need to get scanned in a general location in your bag. After you're through security you can adjust as needed. This keeps the line moving. Things you need to scan are: Laptops, iPads, e-readers, cell phones, mp3 players, pda's.

Keep the above in mind and your trip through security checkpoints can be painless. I have yet to use the full body scanner and I have only been subjected to a pat-down once since the new regulations kicked in, when I forgot the skinny jeans rule. If you follow the suggestions above, you're more likely to get waived on through after your standard metal detector screening and be well on your way to the gate while your friends are still removing their Docs and receiving eye rolls from less than impressed fellow travelers. You may not care, but remember, you may end up sharing very cramped quarters for hours with any one of those people you just pissed off.

Photo cred: Flickr Billypalooza (creative commons)
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